This is another poem inspired by my Year 11 group, who are definitely one of my favourite teaching groups in years. So, I suppose that helps explain why I end up writing about them so much.
They’re a lower ability set and are currently going through the exams and assessments that will form their GCSE grades after more Coronavirus disruption meant that this would be based around teacher assessment for this cohort. And I’m desperate for them to do well, in relative terms that is, as we’ve reached the stage of the year where there’s only so much that we can do for them now, which makes me feel almost helpless.
I wrote the poem after our latest assessment. I was reflecting on the hour long input lesson that I’d done with them beforehand. After that I had to let a number of them go off to other rooms to sit their assessment due to access arrangements, like students being given extra time or being allowed to work in a room on their own. It’s safe to say that they weren’t on their best behaviour and it was something that I couldn’t shake when I was driving home. So I wrote the following.
In a perfect world... In a perfect world you'd be ready. Focused, a look of steely eyed determination spread across your face. Knowledge embedded and itching to read and write. But, it's not a perfect world, as I have learnt many times before and you will discover on too many occasions that are yet to come. Instead today, you are giddy and focus is replaced by noises, bad mannered interruptions and nervous giggles that make me fret, not just for now and the next hour, but for what is to come in the years that will follow. I want to do whatever it takes to let you know the positives I want for you, how I'd love for you to breeze through this, just to give yourself a leg up, a boost, a chance at a start in life. And despite the mood, the lack of focus and the approach of a toddler at soft play, I will attempt to ignore the signs and stand, fingers crossed in hope while you write, dreading what seems almost unstoppable in its inevitability. In the corner of the room, a poster that should probably be front and centre declares that you should 'Dream Big' and 'Always Challenge Yourself'. Maybe not today.
As soon as I got home I grabbed my notebook and wrote my thoughts down. I’d stewed on their behaviour in the hour before the assessment. It’s a small group but about 8 out of the 13 of them were just behaving ridiculously – making stupid noises, rudely calling out and interrupting, complaining about what we were doing and so on.
It’s one of the worst things about my job when I feel that I’m working far, far harder than the students in my room. I imagine lots of teachers feel the same. But that’s just how I felt for that hour. We’d spoken about this assessment for weeks, prepared for it intensely both during school and after, but here were my class acting like it didn’t matter a jot.
I wish I could show them how hard life can be. I wish I could show them the awful flats I’ve lived in and the terrible jobs I’ve had to do while working my way up in life and still feeling that I’m doing a bang average job of it all. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make sure that they get that pass in English that gets them some kind of start. But, of course I can’t. And standing there invigilating for the few I had left in the room made me feel completely helpless and incredibly frustrated.
As many of us know, it’s not a perfect world. I just wish I could enlighten these students to that fact a little more!
I hope you enjoyed the poem and I hope that the fact that it’s the same subject matter as another one I wrote fairly recently, doesn’t put you off. Whatever way it makes you feel – even if it makes you feel nothing at all – I’d love to hear what you think, so as ever, feel free to leave a comment.